Player: @Spawn of Santa

Character Bio

Walking through the woods one day, I stumbled upon a man who had been beaten badly and was bleeding from several orifices. I asked him what had happened & he told me that he had been jumped by a roving band of gay homophobes. I explained to the man that "gay homophobe" was an oxymoron but he simply shrugged & died 3 seconds later.

I was about to prepare a proper burial for the body when out of the corner of my eye, via my outstanding peripheral vision, I spied a local billboard for Milton's Theme Park & its star attraction, "Pelican Thunder: The World's Most Translucent Rollercoaster©." Reaching into my tightly-woven & somewhat water-proof backpack, I pulled out my trusty dictionary & was about to look up the word "translucent" when out of nowhere, an angry encyclopedia salesman with a hatred for dictionaries, ripped the sacred tome from my hands & tossed it into a nearby river.

Astonishment beget anger, anger beget seething rage & a black mist enveloped me. My skin's pigment darkened & Xur was born!

Badge Tracking